If you are expecting me to sympathize with you because it’s hard to raise kids…
If you are expecting me to show you how to raise the perfect child…
If you are expecting me to give you a time schedule to have an hour of relaxation while the children are being their perfect selves…
If you are expecting any of those things, you can go to some other mom’s site because the truth is raising kids is hard. There is no perfect child. You will mess up. And that hour of bath time WILL include your children knocking on the door, sliding their little fingers under the gap, and saying the word “mom” about 120 times per minute until your hour of luxurious me-time ends in about 15 minutes which includes drying off, getting your robe on and draining the bath salts down the drain before they had a chance to dissolve.
If you want real and you want truth keep reading! I will love to invite you into the group of being a happy imperfect mom!
How do you define happiness? I mean it. Write it down. Money? Traveling? Big house? Image? Status? Is it really? Now think of it like this, What if that thing that you wrote down, was the only thing in your life?
How does that change your answer? More importantly, How does it change your thought process? The truth is (without getting too psychological) what we think makes us happy really doesn’t. The things that actually make most everyone happy is
Desire to help, to contribute to the community.
So let’s think about this again. How do define happiness? Write it down.
Children? Spouse? Parents? Friends?
Education? Being a better version of you? How does that look?
Volunteering? Contributing to a non-profit? Taking the kids to the mom and pop shop instead of Target?
What you focus on can and will happen in your life. At least some version of it.
Raising kids is the most fulfilling thing you will ever do. Watching them grow to be the best version of themselves will make you so proud. Teaching them the hard lessons to learn to be wise and productive will keep them on a path that will enrich themselves, their future spouse, and your future grandchildren.
Helping them discover how to something when they are 3 years old, watching their hobby grow to a love, and then become a passion when they are an adult will be the most rewarding accomplishment.
- Be involved! I don’t mean you have to be a part of every minute of every day, but I do mean get down on the ground with them without your phone in your hand. Watch their little faces light up when you become the princess with the crown and wand who turns everyone into frogs!
- Let your IMAGINATION answer their questions instead of your logic. Mom, why can’t we jump on the couch? Because the crocodiles that live in the cushions will wake up and chomp off your toenails if you do. (only do this if your child is old enough to know there aren’t actually crocodiles that live in the cushions)
- Have them help with everything possible. You will be surprised at what they can do! It won’t be perfect -LISTEN CAREFULLY- it won’t be perfect! IT’S OK!!!!!!! So the toast doesn’t have the correct amount of butter on it… Is it going to matter? So there is still a dust bunny in the far corner… Is it going to matter? Psst! The correct answer is NO, it isn’t going to matter. Next time they help they will do a little better and a little better. Pretty soon you won’t have to butter another piece of toast or vacuum another dust bunny ever again. Doesn’t that sound nice?
- Let them do things Not-Your-Way. I am careful to say it this way. When I say do things their way that triggers something different in your brain but Not-Your-Way means just that. Your way isn’t the best way, you can show them how you do it, then let them find their own path. Do you want them doing everything exactly like you their whole lives? That’s a trick question.
I PROMISE you when you let go of a little control and watch their confidence grow, you will realize that raising kids is not hard, its HAPPINESS.
Consistency and Confidence
I write about confidence in some other articles, being constantly confident is a difficult habit to build. It takes discipline and sacrifice. Children see what you do more than they hear what you say. If you are able to build yourself up and become imperfectly happy, they will see that and they will become an imperfectly happy adult.
Things happen that get in the way of our plan for the day, for the month, for the year, for our lives, but acceptance of those happenings is a choice to keep moving you forward. One of my favorite sayings is “If Plan A Doesn’t Work Out, There Are 25 other letters.” I don’t know about you but my ‘Plan A’ never works out. Ever. I have learned that I must be fluid in my plans and quick to think of the next thing I should do given the circumstance I am now in.
Go With The Flow
Being fluid in your plans will help you with everything in life, including your happiness. This is how you will be able to find time for yourself, time for your partner, and time for each of your children individually. Every day I have a few things that I want to accomplish. This keeps me sane. How I get those things accomplished and when is always a mystery.
Sometimes I get a lot more done because everything went off without a hitch, sometimes I have to take the kids to the park to get a little work done. Sometimes my children are perfect little angels, eager to help with anything including wanting to make dinner. Sometimes one of them is sick and I have to take a whole day off of work and school to balance the extra things I must do for my sick child and to protect the ones who are not sick.
When you learn to be confident and fluid in life, your children will learn too. You will learn to be creative and let them do things Not-Your-Way. You will become less stressed because you will not try to do everything yourself in the perfect way you imagined it. You will watch them grow in their independence. All in all, you will be happier in ways that you didn’t even know you were unhappy. Trust me.
Happiness is a choice
It starts with small decisions
Get involved, then let them grow
Peace and Balance,